Thursday, March 21, 2013

Blog Challenge Day 21: What's Your Biggest Fear?

Before getting pregnant my answer to this question was one word: failure.

While pregnant this changed to three words: losing our baby.

At the end of the pregnancy it changed to three words: dying during delivery.

At the end of delivery when Emma's heart rate dropped multiple times and she went into distress as a NICU team was rushed into our room, this quickly changed to five words: not taking our baby home.

Now my biggest fear is four letters: SIDS.

Emma is 8 months old today. She still sleeps in a pack n play next to our bed. She nurses once or twice a night. I wake every couple of hours and listen to her snore and breathe. If she's having a quiet sleep night, I watch carefully as she breathes in and out. It's 3am now and I'm awake listening to the gentle rhythm of her breathing quietly in and out. As much as I long for a good night's sleep and for her to sleep through the night, I know that I will still wake to listen and watch.

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